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"Taking A Dare"

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Freeze's Romantic muses on love and dating at Harvard and beyond…

By James Sergey

December 2008/January 2009

Drop the bull. Cowardice never got anyone anywhere—and it's not sexy either. Being daring is.

Being daring can include any number of things: being the one to initiate conversation (though not when you're drunk beyond oblivion), buying someone a drink, or even going to a speed dating event.

Not that speed dating can't be glamorous, but it definitely isn't often considered a respected thing to do—but who cares? Speed dating or online dating is something you do for yourself, kind of like therapy. It's not an act of desperation, but a choice. A choice to increase your chances of finding another person to share your happiness with. It can be a very rewarding experience in more ways than one.

For instance, my best friend Jane went to a speed-dating event, and came back having spoken with 6 straight guys, 6 gay guys, 6 straight girls, and 6 lesbians—the real gamut. All it took was a leap of faith to sign up and fill out the survey to attend. And these things are just as fun as they appear on television, she tells me. You get to meet so many people in such a short time—and you all know you're there for the same thing, so it cuts away any bulls—. Within a day, a guy called, and within a week, they were dating.

The guy, if you must know, was tall, dark, and handsome. Yes, your stereotypical description, but not your stereotypical man. Having traveled and worked before arriving at grad school, he looked more distinguished than most of the guys Jane had dated. His dark features oddly reminded me of one of my roommates last year, which made me wonder whether she was ever ogling him. In any case, his rather sturdy frame makes me picture her cuddling up with him as their relationship continues. They went for coffee, and now they're having dinner.

It sure beats me what I did on the day of her date. Feeling, admittedly, a little jealous that my roommates both have steady girlfriends and that my best friend with whom I've reveled in being single is now moving on without me, I fell back into the comfort of pursuing Christina. What is it that's so appealing about old candy that you know will only tantalize that sweet tooth and make you want more?

Well, after that went poorly—and I knew it would—I broke my cardinal rule in searching for comforting arms: I searched for a drunken hookup. Not long after getting blown off by dear old Christina, I decided it was time for shots before going to the club, where upon entry I immediately headed to the bar to top off my already drunken stupor. "Sex On The Beach" was on my mind, in my hand, and on my breath all night.

It wasn't a pretty sight. But I did learn something. I can walk up to someone and bust a move. It just takes some confidence and a little humor. Although this time I had some liquid confidence to help me along, I know what I did, and it's not shameful to go up to someone just to try and talk or dance. In fact, while cruising, it's important to notice who is making eye contact with you because that is a definite cue. Take the dare and go up for a chat, otherwise you're not going to be up to bat. Forgive the lousy rhyme, but 'tis the truth.

I often find myself doubting my ability to be charming, especially in a crowded room with tough competition. Tough luck and get over it, I've learned. Most of the time, I find my jaw clenching and a timid retreat into a corner of the room to be my preferred (and always failing) method of disengaging from claustrophobia. Yet, this liberating experience after one "Sex on the Beach" too many led me to discover my ability to chit-chat and to win over even the most unlikely of audiences.

At the club, which shall remain nameless to break any possible bond with the circus that was my life that evening, I met a beautiful brunette whom I will call Betty. Betty was in shape, with dark hair in luscious curls that draped down to just below her shoulders framing her face. Her dramatic cheekbones made her look like a model in the dim room of thudding music and glowing lasers. The corners of her lips, shiny with pink lip-gloss, curved into a flirtatious grin as I cruised along, spinning to what I can only imagine was crappy techno. Goblet of drink in hand, I spun into her sphere and we began to dance as we began the small talk. It wasn't long before we drew nearer and I noticed her deep blue eyes, which reminded me of Courtney Cox. If only, I wish.

A couple weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought I had the suave moves to spin into such a beautiful and chic woman. But now, even without the magic liquid, I know I can do it. No one else was taking the dare, but I did—and it paid off. We parted ways before I could get her number. I was a little too gone to have functioned that properly, but I don't doubt that it would have happened.

Meanwhile, as my friend was busy meeting so many people in person, I was unashamedly trying out the world of online dating. You hear so many myths about this other world full of crazies who end up stalking you, stealing your identity, or whatnot. And it's true, that's a possibility. But there are plenty of other people on there. The only thing, though, is that a lot of the people (at least on the site I was on) are way too shallow for me, I've realized. Most of what they care about is looks. Women post photos that are obviously younger than they really are, and, surprisingly, men do the same. And even if the program says you'd be a great match, usually, after exchanging photos, it's a "Sorry, you're not my type" from them or me. Maybe I'm too picky, but I don't think a relationship is something worth just settling for—you ought to get what you want. So, though it hasn't been fruitful yet, it's something worth doing, again like therapy, to bring me closer to what could be a person to share my happiness with.

Now I'm "Over It" and ready to take a dare and keeping the option of online dating open. I'm sure the next three weeks will be full of more wins, failures, ups and downs. All it takes is dropping the bull, and taking the dare. Courtney Cox cheekbones and her blazing eyes—and even the quirky personality—are not just an enticing fantasy anymore.

For any of my in between musings or escapades, please check out my blog at mrjamessergey.wordpress.com

Have something to say to James? Email him at james@freezecollegemag.com.