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Why You Don't Have a Boyfriend: The Reasons You Haven't Thought Of

By Lauren Medina

November 2008

Is love giving you the cold shoulder this fall? We help you figure out what you could be doing wrong, and start you on your way to having a warmer winter...

The leaves change color, the air gets chillier, the number of sweaters skyrockets—there's no question that fall has definitely arrived. However, leaves aren't the only thing falling this autumn—you, too, might be falling for that special someone. You've chatted with him in class, bumped into him in the dining hall, spotted him at the same parties—whatever the situation, it's evident that spring isn't the only time for "fever". You're interested, but just when you want things to heat up, they always seem to cool down. Been through this before? Sometimes we don't even realize the things we're doing that can push a guy away, and though we may not be aware of the reasons, we can't help but notice the resulting trend of dateless nights and the perpetual "single" Facebook status. Do you constantly find yourself wondering what you're doing wrong, and just can't seem to figure it out? We've made a list of the top ten boyfriend-repellent things you could be doing, from the extremes to everything in between, in order to help you identify why getting the guy is harder than it seems.

1. You Take Yourself Out of the Game

We decided to begin with this reason because some girls don't realize that they're taking themselves out of the game before it's even started. Maybe you're so worried about appearing obvious that you're afraid to take the first step. Sure there's always the risk that things won't work out, but if you never put yourself out there, you'll never know if your crush is crushing on you, too.

2. You "Play Hard to Get"—Too Much

You want to keep the guys chasing after you, but even the most athletic guys can only chase so much. Guys like a girl who appears "hard to get," but it can get tiring for the guy to always have to take the initiative. If you make him do all the work, all the time, he might think you've lost interest.

3. You're Flaky

Do you have something else to do every time he asks you to do something? Maybe you've just had a crazy busy week (it's expected considering the all the papers and midterms), but you can't expect to form a relationship if you don't make time for him. A guy should be able to understand that you have other commitments, but don't be surprised if his invites become less frequent if you repeatedly have "something unexpected" come up.

4. You Always Have a Wing-Woman

Don't get us wrong, it's great to have the girls around, but if you're constantly surrounded by other gals, guys might be hesitant to approach you. Can you blame him if his ideal ask-out isn't when your BFF is attached to your hip? It's true that every girl needs her right-hand woman, but being afraid to fly solo now and then might make your guy feel like he can't get a moment alone with you to make a move.

5. You Talk About Your Ex

Even if you just got out of the most horrible relationship of your life, believe us when we say that he doesn't want to hear about it. It might be hard to let go of a past boyfriend, but talking about your Ex won't help your rebound. Not only will you annoy your new guy, but you'll have him wondering whether you're actually ready to make a new commitment.

6. You Hook Up… A Lot

If you're hooking up with multiple guys at parties every weekend and wondering why you're still left boyfriend-less, you might want to revise your strategy. Although the "no strings attached" aspect of having a different guy each weekend may be exciting, that's exactly where you'll end up—unattached. Although many girls may think this is the quickest way to getting the guy, more often than not it just sends the wrong signals.

7. You Get Drunk… A Lot

No guy wants a girl who's tripping over herself on the way to the bathroom. Slurring, stumbling, blackouts, puking—does this sound attractive to you? Well it's not attractive to guys, either! Having too much to drink not only lessens our control over our actions at a time when we want to be on our game, but also keeps the guys we want at bay. The good news is that you can still get the guy without getting the hangover.

8. You Overdo the Makeup

In an effort to get a guy's attention, a lot of girls feel the need to overdo the makeup, while in actuality guys say that they prefer girls to have a more natural look. This doesn't mean ditch makeup all together—what girl doesn't love her trusty Maybelline Mascara? But packing on powder can have an adverse effect.

9. You Dress Too Provocatively

When it comes to the "dress to impress" policy, "less is more" does not apply. More skin exposure may have more people looking, but it probably won't get you that long-term relationship you're looking for. It gives the impression that you're trying too hard, which tends to repel guys rather than attract them.

10. You Call/Text Him All the Time

It's so easy to get so swept up in the excitement of a potential BF that sometimes we have a tendency to smother our guy with too much attention. By calling and/or texting him every chance you get (yes, even sending the ever so "subtle" smiley faces at ten-minute intervals can add up), not only are you coming on too strong, but you're also giving the impression that you're clingy—a BIG turn-off. You can think of him 24/7—every girl's entitled to a little daydreaming—just make sure that he doesn't know it!

Now that you have an idea why you've been getting the cold shoulder, you can start with some simple steps for thawing it out. We've come up with five quick tips to keep in mind when you're trying to send a signal without being too obvious. Follow these proactive guidelines, and you'll be well on your way to "In a Relationship" status this winter.

* Be Positive: People are naturally drawn to people with positive attitudes. Give him a chance to notice your smile. Even if you've never met, if you look like a fun, upbeat girl, he'll want to get to know you, too.

* Don't Be Afraid to Be Funny: Guys like a sense of humor. As much as they like to take the lead, guys also like a girl who can keep up and play along. Feel free to joke with him—just as long as the joke's not always on him. You don't want to tease him to the point where he can't tell whether you're flirting or not.

* Make the Move: Casually asking a guy to grab lunch or get coffee is a subtle way of letting him know you are interested. Guys appreciate it when a girl takes the initiative. Plus, there's little chance he'll say "no" to something so casual.

* Have Confidence: Short and sweet but extremely effective. Having confidence in who you are can be more compelling than how you look or dress. Remember you don't need alcohol to be more charismatic. When asked, guys said that nonalcoholic confidence is a major wow-factor. Believe in yourself and go for it! You've done harder things—I mean, you got into Harvard didn't you?

* Go With the Flow: You can't control everything. It's always important to know that no matter what happens, it's not the end of the world. Be honest about how you feel, but don't ever feel the need to force anything. As they always say, "things happen when you least expect it." So just be your funny, confident, smiling, move-making self and have fun!