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Freeze Presents: Relationship (or lack-thereof) Scenarios:
How to Give Your Love Life a Fall Makeover

By Kate Borowitz

September/October 2008

Ahh, summer-- a time to build tans, slave away at unpaid internships, and hang out with your friends from home. Unfortunately, despite the cliché of "summer loving," summer has a funny habit of killing school-year romance. Many casual hookups fizzle in the summer months, and even serious relationships can break under the strain of distance. But often, when summer draws to an end and everyone returns to campus, relationships are reborn. The key to reigniting a romance from last year is gauging to what extent the other person changed (or stayed the same) over the summer. Your love life can get pretty confusing, so let Freeze's scenarios guide you through the many ways to re-kindle romance this fall.

Scenario 1: You hooked up with a guy at the end of last year, and haven't spoken all summer.

Let's say that back in May you were hooking up with a guy you really liked, but you both left for the summer without ever talking about where things stood. Since you didn't want to seem clingy, you waited for him to contact you over the summer, but…that Facebook post never happened. So when you return to school, you feel totally unsure about whether he is interested in resuming what you had last year. It's a tough situation, because even though you might still like him, you don't want to put yourself out there and get shut down. If you bump into him some time after you both get back, try and be as laid back as possible. If he says something like, "hey haven't seen you in so long. We need to catch up," respond "yeah, just give me a call." That way, it's up to him to get things moving again. You won't be putting your heart on the line, and if he does call to hang out, he's the one putting himself out there. It's better to let him make a move—the whole beauty of casual relationships and hookups is that they are "casual," and you definitely don't want to scare the other person off by seeming over-eager. In the end, it might just be easiest to let the relationship restart the way it started—most likely in the Delphic basement.

Scenario 2: Last year you flirted a ton with a guy, but nothing ever happened. But you want it to!

The guy that you love flirting with has been on your mind all summer, and you can't wait to go back to school and see him again. It's tough to get a good reading from flirts—is he as into you as you hope, or does he just enjoy the flirtation? If you didn't talk over the summer, the first thing to do is to start talking to him again, and restart the cycle of flirtation. Trying to elevate things to a new level is more difficult. Before you pour yourself into seducing this boy, make sure he doesn't flirt with tons of other girls. If he does, chances are he likes being single and the attention that girls give him, but isn't specifically interested in you. If however, it seems like you are the sole object of his flirtation, then its time to step things up. Ask for a mutual friend to put in a good word for you, or just start to be a bit more forward. Make sure he has your number, or invite him over to hang-out. If you know he's obsessed with a certain TV show, you can invite him over to watch the latest episode. Don't be frustrated if things take a while to get more serious-- just enjoy the intense flirting as long as you can!

Scenario 3: You and your boyfriend took a break for the summer

Many couples, that seem to be going strong during the school year, decide to take a break over the summer. Usually the idea of a long-distance relationship seems too daunting. They figure that rather than strain and test their relationship they will just set things aside for a few months and hopefully pick up where things left off in the fall. This plan has few merits. True, you and your boyfriend won't struggle to keep the romance alive during a three month separation. Then again, that's because he's no longer really your boyfriend. Trying to pick back up with someone you took a break from can be extremely messy. "Taking a break" usually entails that you and your boyfriend weren't exclusive. If that was the case, and one or both of you hooked up with other people over the summer, that might change the way you feel about each other when you meet up again at school. Or if you missed your boyfriend more than he missed you, you may feel crushed when you get back to school, and really he isn't interested in getting back together. Sometimes taking a break over the summer works, but usually only when both people have the same expectations and acted similarly when they were apart. Otherwise, even if you do get back together, you might feel bruised and jealous. The best way to sort things out is to get together and talk when you get back. You don't have to shy away from honest communication, because after all, you were going out not too long ago. Talk about how you felt while you were apart, and what you want now. Then cross your fingers that your boyfriend feels the same way.

Scenario 4: You and your boyfriend broke up over the summer

Oftentimes, serious relationships fall apart because one person was unwilling to put in the effort required to make long-distance work. If you were the one who broke things off, you should be prepared for the harsh reality that your boyfriend may not want you back. But if you decide you made a massive mistake in dumping your guy, then you better come up with one hell of a "mea culpa". Try to show your ex-boyfriend that you realized you made a mistake, and will not take them for granted again. If the pain of the breakup is still relatively fresh, then you might want to give him some time to simmer down before you try to restart things.

If however it was your boyfriend who let you down, has he changed? Is he suddenly more attentive, and asking for another chance to make things work? If so, you might be willing to get back together with your ex. You'll have to consider, though, if proximity is so important to the success of your relationship, whether or not the other person is primarily motivated by convenience, and after the amount of pain that you suffered during your break-up, whether you really want to forgive and forget. If a relationship only works when you are both at school together, it's hard to imagine a very successful future. But if you really love your ex-boyfriend, and things just fell apart due to a misunderstanding, then maybe you should try going out again. One sophomore girl advises, "everyone breaks up for different reasons, but its important to re-evaluate those reasons before you consider getting back together."