Freeze College Magazine

Love & Relationships

Dating 20-somethings: THE NEW RULES YOU MUST LEARN

By Lauren Medina and Stephanie Kaplan

Summer 2009

There comes a time in a college girl's life when she finds that she's no longer only dating college guys. For you, that time may happen this summer. Whether it's through meeting older coworkers' friends or hitting the NYC bar scene, this is definitely not your typical dorm room party, and the rules of attraction you've gotten used to at school no longer apply. What is it like dating 20-somethings? Here are the new rules you must learn when dating someone from the out-of-college crowd:

CAUSES of ATTRACTION:

Girls date guys who have graduated from college for exactly that reason—they're out of college and, therefore, different from the typical college guy. What makes a college graduate oh-so-attractive?

* INDEPENDENCE
* SECURITY
* CONFIDENCE
* EXPERIENCE
* MATURITY

LAWS of ATTRACTION:

Okay, so you know what you want, but how do you devise and conquer? Abide by these rules to make the most of your attraction and show that, although you may not have the diploma, you are wise in the ways of dating 20-somethings.

Rule #1: Don't compromise your morals. Older men often assume that if you hook up, you will have sex—not exactly the case in college. If you're not comfortable with moving so fast, don't let him make you feel immature for wanting to slow things down. Just don't be shocked when he's shocked that you don't want to have sex after the third date.

Rule #2: Prepare yourself for real dates. If you're lucky, you've had a Harvard guy take you out on a real date, but for many of us, the d-hall and Berryline are the most romantic locales we've been treated to by Harvard men. Get ready for real restaurants, real activities, and real DATES. Work your charm and wow him.

Rule #3: Try not to act so "college." We're not saying to pretend to be someone you're not, but you also want to present yourself as someone who he can treat as a peer. So dress appropriately for wherever you're going, and ditch the Harvard lingo ("omg my blockmate is still pissed at me for losing her leggings at the Leverett 80s dance")...

Rule #4: Be confident. It's easy to be intimidated by a guy with a college degree, his own apartment, salary—basically his own real life. But don't forget that you rock, too, and totally deserve his time and attention. Don't forget how impressive your own accomplishments are (he probably dreamed of scoring an internship like yours in college) and play yourself up.

Rule #5: Let him set the pace. With age comes experience, and although you could have the same or possibly even more dating experience than that of the average Harvard guy, chances are that your stats will fall short of the average college grad. See this as an advantage rather than as a disadvantage, and setting the pace is just one less thing you have to worry about (as long as you're comfortable with the pace – see Rule #1). If he wants to see you 3x/week, great; if it's more of a weekend deal, that's ok too.

Rule #6: Understand his work schedule. Whereas in college you might be able to afford to miss a class or two, he doesn't have the same flexibility. Most likely his hours are 9 to 5 then he's ready to go out, so expect that he could want you to be more available on his terms. Take into account that with a set routine, he may be more reluctant to change his lifestyle. For example, he might prefer a quiet dinner in instead of hitting the clubs every night.

Rule #7: Focus on the conversation. Having passed the college stage of one-night hook-ups and every other "casual" relationship, older men are more inclined to look for something more serious/permanent now that they have their lives together. Automatically, he'll have a different set of values. It's important to prioritize personality compatibility over physicality (though physicality doesn't hurt!).

Rule #8: Be your own person. However impressive he may be, make sure the lure of financial stability and support (along with the ego boost for dating such a self-sufficient guy) doesn't cause you to lose your independence and let all your guards down. You may be younger, but that doesn't mean he has to baby you. Even the playing field by treating him to dinner on one of your nights out. Show him you can hold your own.

Rule #9: Realize that you two are in different phases of your lives. Although you may be on the same maturity level, age can still be an issue because you each have different life plans, and that's okay. The important thing to remember is that he isn't on summer break, you are. So have fun this summer, and don't get too wrapped up in his world. While he's taken on the responsibilities of life after college, you can still enjoy the freedom of being an undergrad.

Want to learn more about dating 20-somethings? Check out some of our (non-real guy) sources:
www.dating-site-advisor.com/tips-for-dating-older-men.html
ezinearticles.com/?Great-Tips-for-Dating-Older-Men&id=1040007