Ask a Guy: David Boswell

Question: Do you think it's worth starting up a relationship with someone at Harvard now, given that the summer is so soon?

My gut reaction to this question is a blunt “No!” However, the issue is not that simple and there are some contextual factors that could point to it actually being a good idea. First of all, it depends on how long you’ve known the person. If this person has been a friend of yours for a while and your foundational relationship is already established, taking a step forward and becoming more romantically exclusive right before the summer is not necessarily a bad move. On the other hand, if this is a person that you just recently officially met through a mutual friend or has been in your section all year and you finally got up the nerve to ask to coffee or invite to lunch in the dining hall, then perhaps starting a committed relationship this time of year is not the best idea. If you really like the person, it’s fine to start dating and getting to know him, and when you go your separate ways for the summer, if you are both still feeling it, then of course keep the relationship going. However, if you try and force the relationship with an exclusive commitment, the summertime distance and the return to childhood sweethearts and summer loving could shatter the commitment, and possibly ruin any hope of a future relationship when you both come back in the fall.

Ask a Girl: Kate Borowitz

Question: Do you think it's worth starting up a relationship with someone at Harvard now, given that the summer is so soon?

Starting a serious college relationship is hard work enough without the added pressure of a timeline, so many people wonder at what point it is too late to get involved in something new. The truth is, there is no date on the calendar after which it becomes a bad plan to enter into a relationship. However, before investing a lot of effort and emotion, there are definitely some important factors to consider.

If you really like someone, and have hooked up with them several times or gone out on dates with them, then it often makes sense to move on to a real “relationship.” Halting things just because summer is around the corner could leave the other person feeling confused or even hurt. One option, of course, is to broach the subject, in a casual way. If you say something as simple as “I really like you, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get more serious when summer is so close” you can clue the other person in to what you are thinking, and they will likely have an opinion of their own. It is definitely worth talking it through, so that nobody feels disappointed or led-on.

One huge factor in any relationship is location. If you are spending the summer teaching in Japan, and he is working for a law firm in London, it might not make sense to accelerate into a relationship. Being apart for long periods of time is extremely difficult for most couples, and even more daunting for people who have only been together for one month. It might also be very painful to get close to someone and then have to say goodbye for weeks or months at a time. However, if you go into the summer with the understanding that you will each do your own thing, but be exclusive, a relationship could definitely work.

In the end, the decision depends on how much you want this relationship. If you are head-over-heels and don’t want to wait another day, then nothing should stop you. You can enjoy being together the remaining month of college and then come up with a calling plan to make things work if you are going to be apart this summer. But if you are having fun just being casual, and feel as though you can wait a few months to think things over, then maybe you should wait. There’s no rush, and if things are meant to work out, then come September they will. Follow your instinct and remember to have fun!