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Keep a Relationship Going Strong
By Lauren Medina
April 2009
Within every relationship, it's natural for progress to stall every now and then. Even the most "in-love" couples can find themselves stuck in a romantic rut. Want to know how to kick your romance into high gear? No matter at what point you are in the relationship, these top 5 tips will keep your relationship going strong.
1. Develop a mutual interest. Strengthen the bond by doing an activity that the two of you enjoy. Yes, even making-out, although fun (and a mutual interest), can get old after a while. Building a durable relationship will require developing common interests that go beyond each other's faces. You're in luck because at Harvard there is an abundance of activities for whatever you might be into. Engaging in different activities such as these will help you grow as individuals as well as a couple:
Add another class – We don't mean a Core. Even with the hundreds of classes offered within the Courses of Instruction, there are still more classes available that may not give you course credit but will credit your romance. Take a language class together and practice speaking it with one another, or attend a cooking class and use the recipes you've learned to make a meal together. By learning something new and putting it into practice, you'll never run out of things to do together.
Join the team – Participating in IMs is a great way to connect on and off the field. The teambuilding involved in sports will not only strengthen your relationship but will energize it as well. This works best if you are both in the same house, because, although a little competition can be good once in a while, it can quickly lose its flirtatious factor. An alternative suggestion is to sign-up for a class at the gym as a way to keep your romance in top condition. Either way, you'll be on the road to a healthier you and a healthier relationship, too.
Study...seriously – Let's face it. Most of our time is spent studying. As Harvard students, one interest we all share is an interest in academics (whether we like to admit it or not.) Although separate study time is important, if done effectively, studying together can act as another mutual interest to develop. Tackling a difficult p-set together or working toward acing a midterm, or working to achieve any sort of goal for that matter, will help strengthen the bond.
2. Appreciate each other's differences. It's true that couples break up because of their differences; however, differences within a relationship are not necessarily all bad. On the contrary, they most often keep the romance fresh and exciting. How boring would it be to be with someone exactly like you? Differences maintain a balance within the relationship, and only by being different from each other will one person have what the other person needs. These suggestions show that differences can provide this attraction:
Take note – Put those note-taking skills used for lecture or the readings you have (or haven't) done to good use. Write down what you think is special about the other person and make sure to tell them what you find. While pointing out each other's differences can lead to the fighting that ends romance, actually appreciating what makes the other person special and unique will only strengthen the feelings you have for one another.
Club swap – Odds are you both probably have your own separate list of the millions of clubs that you're involved with. Take turns participating in clubs that are on each other's lists. Even if this means going to a couple of the group meetings or activities, this will show that you are making the effort to better the relationship. You'll get to learn more about the other person and spend more quality time with them.
Public appraisal – Praising each other's differences in public will provide both a boost in self-esteem and in your relationship. This will also dispel any concerns that one person is trying to change the other, a common reason for break-ups. Next time you're together talking with friends in the dining hall, casually mention in conversation how organized or reliable the other person is. It will make all the difference.
3. Give each other enough space. As the saying goes, "familiarity breeds contempt." Particularly in college, it is easy for two people to spend a lot of time, possibly all their time together (scary but true.) Spending too much time together can smother the sparks of romance. Usually, couples enter this stage without even realizing it, and those who live in the same house have to be especially cautious. Make sure to have an occasional guys' night and girls' night out. In addition to spending time with friends, allowing for some alone time is equally important in establishing a healthy balance within a relationship. These are the five telltale signs to help you know when enough is enough.
Things are predictable or boring.
You take the other person for granted.
You are annoyed by the little things the other person does.
Your friends complain they don't see you.
You finish each other's sentences (kidding).
4. Make time to have fun together. It's not so much a question of whether you're busy or not but which semester was busier than the other. The truth is that, no matter how busy you get, it's necessary to carve out time in your schedule for fun. Relationships typically fall into a rut when things become too routine. No matter how big or small the act, whether planned or unplanned, sharing light-hearted moments like these is key to a successful relationship:
Try something new – Jump on a bus to New York City.
Dress up for a spontaneous date – Try Grafton Street followed by Finale. (You won't be disappointed.)
Take a trip into Boston – Walk the streets of North End.
Go for a moonlit walk – What could be better than along the River?
Make a bucket list of random things to do – Take a Crimson Key tour and ask unanswerable questions.
5. Look for ways to surprise one another. Simple, yet extremely effective. It doesn't have to be extravagant. This will keep things exciting and spontaneous while showing your commitment to relationship and, most importantly, that you care about the other person. These acts speak for themselves:
Leave a love note in his book.
Bake him cookies or his favorite meal.
Show up at his IM game to cheer him on.
Pick up Burdick's hot chocolate and take it to him in the library.
Surprise him with tickets to a concert or sports game he's been dying to see.
