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The Solo Approach: "What Am I Doing Right?"

By Lauren Medina

February 2009

If you're single this Valentine's Day, you may be asking yourself the typical question "what am I doing wrong?" Although it's possible that the reason you don't have a boyfriend is within your control, usually, we are so concerned with blaming ourselves for our singleness that we fail to consider the equally likely possibility that the guy might be the one with issues. It may sound a bit self-serving, but how many women are eager to fault the men they like? Sometimes, we can be so "in love" that we are blind to a guy's flaws no matter how apparent they may be. So this Valentine's Day, give yourself a break and instead of asking yourself, "What am I doing wrong?" ask, "What am I doing right?"

1. You're independent.

Maybe you're the type of girl who would rather go out with her friends than sit by the phone all night and wait for him to call. Some guys can't handle a girl with independence. These "alpha males" are the guys that constantly need to feel like you always need them, but perhaps these aren't the type of guys you need.

2. You're confident.

If guys are insecure, they can feel intimidated by a girl with a healthy confidence in herself. In your mind, you may have the guy you like on a pedestal, but have you ever considered that he might have you on a pedestal, too? Your self-confidence may make him self-conscious and afraid to approach you, causing him to limit himself to admiring you from afar.

3. You're super sweet.

Being a super sweet girl, you're bound to attract a multitude of guy friends. You never know—your closest guy friend could be crushing on you right now. However, some guys may not ask you out for fear of receiving a "yes" only out of kindness and risking embarrassment.

4. You're complex.

You're smart, funny, caring, and a girl of many interests, but let's face it—some guys' most developed interest is an extreme love of Xbox. There's no doubt you've got game, but a girl with more levels will take even the best Halo players longer to win.

5. You're ambitious.

As a Crimson girl, you've got your act together. Guys who lack direction might feel inadequate when you have so many goals in mind.

Maybe his idea of a measurable goal is to memorize the batting average of every Sox player on this year's roster. Some guys are hesitant to play the field for fear of striking out.

6. You're mature.

The fact is that girls mature faster than guys. Part of this maturity includes being able to commit to a relationship. Some guys might rely on the excuse that they "don’t want to be tied down," but the unfortunate truth is that they just aren’t ready for the responsibilities of an exclusive relationship.

7. You're Hard to Attain

If you fit the six characteristics previously listed, then you're a girl with strong values who people hold in high esteem. You're a girl who's worth the effort of any pursuer. Yet some guys are too lazy to put in this well-spent energy and go for the girls that are easily attainable. It's like picking apples on a tree, while the best apples are at the top of the tree, some guys lazily settle for picking the ones off the ground.

You just have to wait for a guy who's man enough to get a ladder.