By now, everyone probably knows being single is my thing. I imagine myself as a young Carrie Bradshaw, except that my adventures are in the cobblestoned streets of Cambridge instead of the big city and my life is admittedly less spicy. Point is, I’ve gotten used to talking about how there are no good men around. I look forward to the DJ calling out “Where my single ladies at?” at parties. I’m accustomed to being in love with that hazel-eyed junior one day and the soulful musician the next. But lately I’ve been wondering, would I even be ready for something more? I love writing about waiting till that special guy comes and what to do until then and thinking about how perfect it will be when someone puts a ring on it. (Figuratively, of course. I’m grown, but not that grown.) I talk about wanting the Romeo to my Juliet and the Will to my Jada, but being single is actually entertaining. How will I know that I’m ready to finally buy what I’m selling to everyone else? Can I just jump in and test it from there?

The truth is there’s no steadfast rule on when you’re ready to be in a relationship. As much as I hate this advice, you’ll know when it just feels right. Better yet, you’ll know when sometimes things just feel wrong. So, although I don’t think I’m the person to describe the things that will make you feel justified and comfortable in a relationship, I can tell you there are some games that you just have to retire when you’re looking for a functional one.

1. I Spy
I can admit I am a little bit of a stalker. If I decide that a man is my flavor of the month, I will know his hometown, romantic history, and concentration within a 72-hour period, with or without talking to him. (Don’t judge, it’s a sickness, I know.) Even when I get over that initial infatuation and start moving into the dating realm, I need to know where he’s been and who he’s been with, and if he doesn’t volunteer this information, then doggone it, I’ll just find it myself. Although this stalking behavior (and its less psychotic variations) may be considered okay when you’re single and it’s all a part of having a crush, if you’re still doing this when you move towards a relationship, maybe you need to think about what you’re doing. If I have to be reduced to Facebook-stalking a man that I’m supposed to start spending a good amount of time with, that clearly means I don’t trust him or I feel like I don’t know enough about him. And if that’s how I feel in the beginning of the relationship, it can only go downhill from there.

2. The Game of Life
Yeah, it’s cute to flirt with other guys to make the one you really want jealous that y’all aren’t together. But, if you’re still playing those games when you are together, girl, there is danger ahead. All the ignoring texts till later so you don’t seem desperate, pretending you’re not impressed by his special skills (whatever they may be ;) ) and finding out how he feels about things through the grape vine is no longer necessary. You got him! If you’re still afraid to let him know the real you, no games, then don’t be afraid to let him know that he may want to stop, but you’re still playing.

3. Man Hunt
Now, we all fantasize about what life would be like with different men. It’s a part of human nature. I would think someone was not human if they had never tried to replace the actress of their favorite movies with themselves opposite the delicious leading male. But if you are about to get serious with a guy and you’re having fantasies about actual people you know and acting on them…. Do I really need to tell you that this can’t lead to something functional? Although it may feel like a last minute test of the waters, if you really are ready to commit to someone, the water should look like boiling lava not even worth testing.

4. I Know a Song That Gets on Everybody’s Nerves
While it’s true that everyone will annoy you at some point in your life if you know them long enough, if someone constantly irks you, you cannot be in a relationship with this man. I know, it sounds simple and logical, but trust me—in the desperation and confusion of the moment, you can forget that you don’t like anything about a potential date and then commit to something you don’t even want. Don’t do it! Half the horror stories of my life are just about men that weren’t trifling, cheaters, or weirdos; I just did not like them and you can’t form a functional relationship on that at all, even when you try with all your might and he buys you all the gifts in the world.

5. Guess Who?
When you’ve been single long enough, moving into the relationship zone can be awkward and confusing, but it shouldn’t be embarrassing. Of course, I would never suggest that you stop having fun like a single lady at parties, but you can only go so far. If you’re trying to pretend you’re still on that single status when clearly you’re wifed up, then, girl, you aren’t ready to be wifey. No, you don’t have to brag to everyone you know that you finally got a man, but if you actually get nervous at the thought of people knowing you’re off the market, maybe you should stay on it for a little while longer.

I know, relationships aren’t as simple as a checklist of what to do and what not to do. But I also know if you’re struggling to trust someone enough to be yourself and still holding on to the idea of all the prospects you could be with, then it’s not time for you to give up on the game yet. No, you don’t want to be playing forever, but if you enter into a relationship without being fully committed to it, you’re not only cheating him out of a good thing, you’re cheating yourself!

That being said, play on playas! (Until you can’t play no more.)