You’ve probably read People’s best-of list. Maybe you’ve watched E!’s Fashion Police. But here are the picks you’ve been waiting for, the ones that really matter: Freeze’s top and bottom five of the 82nd Annual Academy Awards.

Best Dressed

I’d better begin with the obvious: Sandra Bullock, while (in my humble opinion) far less deserving of the Best Actress Oscar than her fellow nominees, has topped nearly all of the Best Dressed lists in her Marchesa gown… and this one’s no exception. Her sleek, understated hairstyle and bright pink lipstick elevated the look.

Zoe Kravitz wore well-fitting Alexis Mabille as dad Lenny’s date (aww). The dress’s neckline was dramatic but not revealing, and its simple high-waisted construction made the petite Kravitz appear positively statuesque. Her well-chosen Fred Leighton jewelry completed the outfit; I especially loved the bangles.

Diane Kruger stayed loyal to her favorite brand in Chanel Haute Couture. The train was gorgeous but not too long, and the amazing variations in texture made this more than just another cream-and-white Chanel dress. (Also, by including the star here, I like to think that I’m doing my own small part in helping to make up for the travesty of Inglourious Basterds losing Best Original Screenplay. And Best Director. And, well, Best Picture.)

An Education’s Carey Mulligan redeemed herself from some pretty poor awards-season choices so far in beautiful Prada. The shoes were so-so, but she gets points for an unusual hemline and gorgeous texture that make the frock anything but a basic black dress.

Paula Patton (pictured here with hubby Robin Thicke) stood out from the rest of the unfortunately dressed Precious pack (see Worst Dressed, below) in bright coral Carolina Herrera. I can’t recall the last time pregnancy looked this elegant. She kept the jewelry simple, donning only a pair of dangly diamond earrings, and focused the attention on her gorgeously folded neckline.

Worst Dressed

What is Demi Moore’s relatively inoffensive Atelier Versace gown doing here, you ask? Well, it’s totally boring and looks like every other flouncy flesh-toned number worn in the last five years. Stop with the ruffles, already. Plus, the bandage-y top seems like an unfortunate reference to mummification. And that is never a good thing to bring to mind, especially when you’re as plagued with plastic-surgery rumors as Demi Moore.

According to Oprah, the ladies of Precious all ended up in blue because of “divine synchronicity.” (Gabourey Sidibe escapes being featured alongside them because of her awesome description of her so-so Marchesa dress: “If fashion was porn, this dress is the money shot.”) I appreciate Best Supporting Actress winner Mo’Nique’s tribute to Hattie McDaniel, who wore a royal blue dress and a gardenia in her hair for her historic 1940 win—but come on, out of all the gorgeous royal blue dresses in the world, you pick this silly ruched jersey thing? And to Mariah Carey: We know you like to show off your body. There are prettier ways to do it than this forgettable Valentino frock.

Does Charlize Theron’s Dior disaster need any explanation? We know where your breasts are, Charlize—there’s no need to point out their location with rosettes. The sad part is that without the top half, this could have been a beautiful dress; lavender is a difficult color to pull off without looking tacky.

Miley Cyrus’s age-inappropriate Jenny Packham gown is basically a push-up bra on top of a tutu. And her puffy updo just looks old. Until the final season of Hannah Montana is done airing and you turn 18, Miley, don’t wear lingerie in public. Have some respect for the Oscars—cinema’s biggest night of the year for three-quarters of a century now—and leave the dressing sexy to the grown-ups/genuine movie stars who actually know how.

Vera Farmiga, of Up in the Air fame, looks like a nudibranch in her Marchesa dress. (Yes, a sea slug.) After I wrote this, I Googled “Vera Farmiga nudibranch” and found several hits; the fact that I wasn’t the only one to whom this occurred definitely says something. That is all I will say on the matter.

Image sources:
Paula Patton, Mo’Nique, Mariah Carey, Charlize Theron: Getty Images
All other photos: Just Jared (http://justjared.buzznet.com)