College Life
Girls Guide to Enjoying Football (You don’t need to know the rules!!)
By Anna Smith
December 11, 2007
Growing up in Texas has given me serious first-hand experience with the football frenzy. Even in elementary school, Friday night meant having your dad drive to school, climbing through the bleachers with you and your friends, and sitting down to watch your boys desperately try to bring glory home. Why? I couldn’t tell you. There’s definitely something magnetic about the entire scene, though, and even I was unable to escape. Yes, I was a cheerleader in the 8th grade. Then again, so were 47 other girls, and we only had 60 girls in our class. I kind of departed from that whole scene when I didn’t make the squad my freshman year of high school, and looking back, I think it was for the best. I also think my high kicks have improved and given a chance now, I could totally make the squad.
But there’s something that really bothers me about the whole football mentality. What is so manly about a bunch of guys in spandex pants jumping on top of each other, bending over so a teammate can grab a ball from between their legs, and patting each others’ butts for encouragement? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And what’s the deal with them stopping the game every 10 seconds? Can we keep it moving along, please?
Okay, so I’m not the best football spectator. All those football games in my youth I attended for an entirely different kind of game, the one that happened off the field. I am speaking, of course, about cruising for boys. In retrospect, this “let’s go to a football game and pick up hot guys” idea was not the greatest. I mean, let’s be realistic. It’s hard enough to get a guy’s attention in the first place, but when he’s watching a football game? Girl, please.
I actually started watching the game when I joined the “Maverick Guard,” a group of seniors whose sole purpose is to protect our high school’s mascot. Not that we really had anything physical to protect. We did, however, get to stand down on the sidelines while everyone else had to sit on the cold metal bleachers I had endured for so many years, and I took full advantage of this privilege.
Even with all of my experience, I still have trouble enjoying the game. Maybe there are others out there suffering in silence as I did for so long, watching football merely because “everyone else is doing it,” but getting no true pleasure out of it for themselves. Well ladies (and football-indifferent males), I’m here to put an end to all your sorrows. Here’s my patented 7-step method to getting what you want from football.
1. Get out of bed. Yes, it is 12:30 on a Saturday afternoon, and you’ve probably been in bed for 8 hours, but guess what, my friends? That’s a lot of sleep. Whenever I know I’m going to have a rough time getting out of bed, I have to promise myself a reward the night before so I’ll have something to look forward to in the morning/afternoon, something to keep me from hitting the snooze button. I usually choose food. And for football, I go with Felipe’s. It’s on the way to the stadium, folks! Maybe Felipe’s isn’t your style, but I’m sure there’s another greasy food supplier with speedy service that whets your appetite. Just because you usually only eat it late at night doesn’t mean it won’t taste scrumptious with a side of Under Armour.
2. Drag your friends along. Physically, if necessary. Nothing’s worse than going to a game and having your finger shoved in one ear while shouting into the phone, “I AM standing in front of section 37, and NO, I cannot see you!” Even if you don’t really feel like watching the game, you can still chat with a friend, which is what you’d be doing right now anyway. You’re just in a new location, and after all, isn’t variety the spice of life? The only real difference is your convo might include random interjections of cheering and booing, followed by, “Wait, what did I just miss?!” Which leads me to my next, piece of advice, which you probably saw coming.
3. Sit with cute boys. Maybe a potential “crush.” This is the perfect opportunity to sit with that cutie from Spanish section with whom you’ve always wanted to schmooze. You have a completely reasonable excuse to sit there, since all boundaries are erased in the division-less bleachers of the stadium. Work your situation to the fullest. If you’re like me and are more on the clueless side of football, use the opportunity to ask questions, because honestly, who doesn’t like to impart wisdom on others? Or if that significant other seems equally clueless, what a perfect moment for bonding! And, of course, if you’re highly versed in the world of football, wow him or her with your smarts; i.e., “Wow, I can’t believe they just pulled off a hook and lateral!”
4. Tail-gating. It often means free stuff. And who doesn’t like free stuff? I got a Crimson Crazies shirt last year, and now I always sleep fashionably.
5. Show your spirit! Sorry, maybe it’s the 8th grade cheerleader in me talking, but isn’t football more fun when you really get into it? And no one is going to stare and think you’re a dork for having team spirit. We all know you’re a dork because you go to school here. So suck it up and wear your school colors. Scream, clap, dance when the band plays, and for goodness sakes, stand up! But please, not for the entire game, because I’m short and I can’t see, and I’d like to be comfortable for the next 3 hours, thanks.
6. Know the weather. Seriously, it will make or break your experience. Bring layers. It might look hot outside, but bring a sweater just in case. No one wants to hear you whine for an entire quarter about how “weather.com said the low was 75!” Parent’s weekend, I went with the fam and ended up completely miserable because it started snowing and I couldn’t feel my toes inside my boots. Moral of this story? Find your inner boy scout and be prepared. On a similar note, dress appropriately. I don’t want to have to see plumber’s butt because you’re wearing your cute new extra-super-low-rise jeans. And neither does your math CA.
7. Stay until the end. If not for yourself, for your friends and the team. Because as soon as people start leaving, no one else wants to stay. And if the bleachers are draining with 15 minutes left in the game, do you think that’s going to pump up the team? Come on, guys, they’re already completely exhausted. Do they really need an additional slap in the face? Plus, seeing a game through till the clock runs out is just classy, and you don’t want to miss the post-game barbeque. Of course it’s not real barbeque. For that, you’d have to come to Texas.
